It’s 2 AM, and you’re scrolling through your phone, looking at… well, you know. Or maybe it’s not 2 AM, and you’re just living your life, trying to figure out how all this “sex thing” works. Because let’s be honest, it’s everywhere. From billboards to podcasts, from movies to your buddy’s casual comments, sex is front and center in our culture. And if you’re a guy, you’re probably getting a thousand different messages about what it means to be a man, and what your relationship with sex should look like.
Some of those messages are subtle, some are loud. Some say “do whatever feels good,” others hint at a deeper, more meaningful connection. But for a guy trying to navigate this landscape, it can feel like walking through a minefield blindfolded. What if there was a map? What if there was an owner’s manual for this powerful drive we all have?
Turns out, there is. It’s not a secret document passed down through generations of enlightened monks. It’s been sitting there, in plain sight, for thousands of years. It’s the Bible.
And before you roll your eyes and think this is going to be some dry, dusty sermon, hear me out. The Bible isn’t afraid to talk about sex. In fact, it has a lot to say, and what it says might surprise you.
So why the pearl on the cover? [You might be wondering!]
Well, the foundation of men and sex, especially a biblical view of sex, is that any man’s struggle with sexual purity is … symptomatic.
That’s not a typo. Nor is it misinformation.
If you’re having sex outside of marriage it is simply a symptom of a much larger toxin that is at war within your soul.
Look, there’s a risk here of seeming as if I’m being prescriptive, but there’s no other way to say it.
Sex outside of marriage is a symptom of a disordered heart. It’s a sign of a soul out of bounds in terms of living a Kingdom life.
Jesus made a statement about what it means to make God’s Kingdom first place in your life.
He said …
Again, the Kingdom of Heaven is like a merchant on the lookout for choice pearls. When he discovered a pearl of great value, he sold everything he owned and bought it! Matthew 13:45-46
Sex outside of marriage is no different than any other sin. Sin, at its core, is a choice to live the anti-Kingdom life. A life that doesn’t give life, in fact, that sort of lifestyle takes life.
So much of the life God wants us to live when it comes to sex is, to be quite honest, not represented well within the confines of Christianity. And we cover that very issue in the EveryMan podcast.
Sex has got to be celebrated. Why? Because God made it.
Sex: Not Bad, But Boldly Designed
First things first: the Bible doesn’t say sex is bad. Let’s just get that out of the way. In fact, it says the opposite. When God created humanity, He looked at everything He made, including Adam and Eve, and declared it “very good” (Genesis 1:31). This “very good” included their bodies, their capacity for intimacy, and yes, their ability to procreate. Sex, in its original design, was a gift. A powerful, life-giving, bonding gift.
Think about it like a super-charged sports car. A Porsche 911, let’s say. You wouldn’t say a Porsche is “bad.” It’s an incredible piece of engineering, designed for speed and performance. But if you take that Porsche off-road, try to drive it through a swamp, or ignore all the traffic laws, you’re going to end up in a ditch. Or worse, hurt yourself and others. The Porsche isn’t bad; it’s being used outside of its intended design.
Sex is the same. It’s an incredibly powerful force, designed by God for specific purposes. It’s meant for deep intimacy, for procreation, and for a unique form of knowing and being known within a committed, lifelong relationship.
The Boundaries: Where God Draws the Line With Sex
So, if sex isn’t bad, what’s the big deal? The big deal is those boundaries. God, being the ultimate designer and engineer, knew that something as powerful as sex needed clear parameters to truly flourish. And those boundaries, for better or worse, have become the sticking point for a lot of guys.
Here’s the core of it: God designed sex to be expressed exclusively within the covenant of marriage between one man and one woman. Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” That “one flesh” isn’t just a poetic phrase; it’s a powerful description of the physical, emotional, and spiritual union that happens in sex, and it’s meant to be reserved for marriage.
Why marriage? Think about the implications of that “one flesh” union. It’s about more than just physical pleasure. It’s about total vulnerability, trust, and commitment. It’s about creating a safe, exclusive space where two people can truly become one, not just physically, but in every dimension of their being. Outside of that committed, lifelong context, sex loses its deepest meaning and can lead to brokenness.
Abstinence: Not a Punishment, But a Path to Power
Now, here’s where we get to the “A” word: abstinence. For many, that word conjures up images of repression, of missing out, of a joyless existence. But what if we reframed it? What if abstinence wasn’t about deprivation, but about preparation? What if it wasn’t about missing out, but about maximizing the future experience?
Consider this: every time you engage in sexual activity outside of marriage, you’re effectively giving away a piece of yourself. It’s like taking a precious, irreplaceable coin and throwing it into the ocean. Each time, it diminishes the treasure you have to offer your future spouse. And on the flip side, you’re taking pieces from others that aren’t yours to take.
Abstinence, in this context, is a conscious decision to honor God’s design for sex. It’s choosing to keep that precious coin safe, polished, and ready to be given as a whole, untarnished gift to the one person God intends for you to share it with.
But it’s more than just a waiting game. Abstinence is an active posture. It’s about developing self-control, a vital character trait for any man. It’s about learning to bridle your impulses, to direct your desires, and to build a life based on something more enduring than fleeting pleasure.
Think of it like training for an Olympic event. You don’t just show up on race day and expect to win. You train, you discipline your body, you make sacrifices, all for the ultimate goal. Abstinence is like that training. It builds character, strengthens your resolve, and prepares you for the profound intimacy that God intends for you within marriage.
The Benefits You Don’t Hear About
Beyond the spiritual reasons, there are real, tangible benefits to choosing abstinence for a guy:
- Emotional Health: No unwanted pregnancies, no STIs, no messy breakups steeped in sexual regret. This frees up enormous emotional bandwidth. You’re not constantly wondering about paternity tests or the consequences of casual encounters.
- Freedom from Performance Pressure: In a culture obsessed with sexual prowess, abstinence takes the pressure off. Your worth isn’t tied to your sexual experiences. You can focus on developing genuine connections and friendships without the underlying agenda of “getting somewhere.”
- Deeper Relationships: When sex isn’t on the table, you’re forced to actually get to know people. You learn to communicate, to listen, to build rapport based on shared interests and values, not just physical attraction. This builds a foundation for truly meaningful relationships, including the one you’ll eventually have with your spouse.
- A Clear Conscience: Living in alignment with God’s design brings a sense of peace and integrity. You know you’re making choices that honor Him and yourself.
- Unleashing True Intimacy in Marriage: When you save sex for marriage, you unleash its full power and beauty. The “one flesh” union becomes a sacred act, a culmination of years of preparation and commitment, unburdened by past regrets or comparisons. It’s a gift given and received in its purest, most potent form.
Moving Forward: The Man God Designed You to Be When It Comes To Sex Before Marriage.
Look, this isn’t about shaming anyone. We’ve all stumbled, we’ve all made mistakes. The good news is, God offers grace and forgiveness. But for a guy who wants to live a life of purpose, a life that truly honors God, understanding His design for sex is crucial.
Choosing abstinence isn’t easy in our culture. It goes against the grain. It requires courage, discipline, and a willingness to stand apart. But it’s a choice that reflects a deeper understanding of God’s wisdom and His desire for your flourishing.
You’re a man created in the image of God, with incredible potential and a powerful drive for connection. Don’t let the noise of the world dictate how you express that drive. Instead, turn to the owner’s manual. Embrace the boundaries God has set, not as limitations, but as guides to a life of true freedom, profound intimacy, and lasting fulfillment.
Because when you honor God with your sexuality, you’re not just making a good decision; you’re stepping into the man He designed you to be.
And that, my friend, is a powerful thing.
